I have already talked about moving on and letting go but another important thing to know when going through breakups and heartache is WHAT NOT TO DO. When our wounds are fresh and we have gone through something as emotionally draining as a breakup or heartbreak, it's easy to act on pain and do things we might regret later, so here's what you shouldn't do.
1. Avoid Pain: "But Adan, you just said don't act on pain" I know, but here's the truth the more we run away from something the harder it chases us. You could keep yourself busy, trying not to think about your ex but the minute you are alone that pain will sneak up on you. The smart thing to do here would be to sit down and ask yourself what hurts and process your emotions in a healthy way. Talk to a close friend, cry, punch a pillow, listen to that sad song and just let yourself feel what you are feeling. If you don't acknowledge your feelings right now then chances are they will just build up into a ball of unresolved feelings and might even turn into bigger issues with in yourself in the future. Heal yourself by letting yourself be vulnerable because what is the point of putting up a strong act when it's not how you are truly feeling? once you are done processing you will be fine, you will be okay, you just need to be gentle with yourself. You are just letting out the pain so it doesn't permanently settle into your heart and mind forever. Now don't lash out at your work or in public do this in a safe space where you find comfort.
2. Keep Tabs On Your Ex: Don't go on social media or ask their friends about what they are up to, in fact block them and take a break from social media or anywhere you will be reminded of them and see what they are doing. Why? because you need to detox yourself from them, if you keep seeing them it will make it harder for you to heal because you will constantly be fixated on them instead of keeping your focus on yourself like you need to. Stay away from knowing what they are up to because it will only remind you how you are not a part of their life anymore and bring up memories. One other thing that I myself have felt after a break up is when you see them out and about, unaffected while you are literally reading blogs on how to forget them, it feels horrible, like we never mattered to them and then you feel this urge to contact them or seek revenge, both wrong things! these are decisions we know we will regret later. Easier to just cut them out completely even if it's temporary but putting some distance between you and them will make it easier for you to focus on your own healing rather than what they are doing.
3. Rebound: Ahem! yeah so you know when we start dating right after a break up and start working really hard to replace our ex by using another person? that's bad. Not only is this unfair to the person we are using ( whether it be entirely sexual or an actual relationship ) but it is also unfair to you, because you are still hurting, have unresolved feelings for your ex and you are adding a third person to the mix, what if this person brings you more drama? what if this person is only taking advantage of the fact that you are vulnerable and not only that but you are also not taking the time that you need to take to clear your head and then focus on what you need to do differently when it comes to dating. Wait till you have moved on and healed from this breakup properly and then you will know what you want and don't want in a partner, so you can manifest the right type of person in your life. I am not saying that rebound relationships can't turn into something good but until you move on from your ex you won't be able to connect with the new person on a deeper level and they deserve a chance to get to know you when your heart isn't still with someone else. Don't believe me ? then take it from Marge.
4. Revenge: When we are in pain, our head is filled with negative emotions and thoughts, in that moment you might feel like posting about it all on social media, telling everyone how horrible your ex is, try to isolate your ex by turning all your mutual friends against them ( I have seen this done ) or even find ways to sabotage their love life. Whatever it may be it is not right. It all comes down to the fact that they have free will, whether you dumped them or they dumped you, even if they cheated on you, you need to remember that it is never worth giving your energy to who doesn't serve any purpose to your life or tuning into a low vibration to get back at someone. It might make you feel better for a little while but the pain will still be there because instead of distancing yourself from them, you decided to wrap yourself further into their energy.
5. Binge Drinking : Whether it be eating your heart out, hooking up with people, or drinking alcohol, don't over do anything. Don't let go of yourself just because they couldn't hold on to you. Take care of yourself and your body, you need yourself right now and if you are just watching shows all day or partying all night you aren't really there for yourself. I'm not saying don't go out with friends and have a drink, meet new people or not watch TV, what I mean is don't do something to the point of numbing yourself emotionally. You will only lose yourself doing this and might even wake up with more regrets. Did you know alcohol is a depressant?
6. Look For Closure: We all feel confused and question why it all happened, we blame ourselves, we blame them, we even blame the whole universe for being unfair, then we go looking for clarity and try to make sense of why did this happen to us. The harsh truth is, it happened because it was meant to happen and whatever we do, we can not go in the past and change it. Believe in yourself, know that good things will happen and bad stuff always happens before something really good happens, life is all about it's ups and downs and without them it would be boring. Don't look for answers from your ex just accept that it is over and figure out what is next for you. The only closure you need is that their actions don't say anything about you or your future, it says more about them, they didn't want to stay in your life and if you keep fighting for an answer from them, you will only be neglecting yourself. Self reflect and change what you think you did wrong, you can't change them but you can change how you feel about them.
That my friends, is my opinion on things you should never do after a break up, I hope this helps, safe and fast healing to you all!
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