How To Fix Bad Decisions And Toxic Patterns.

Today I don't know if I am inspired, angry, embarrassed,utterly disappointed in myself or maybe all of the above. I have been doing very good lately, in control of my emotions and thoughts for the first time in my life. Recently I have been on top of my game, I stick to schedules, reward myself and keep everyone and everything around me in check. I had reached a point of healing, mindfulness and joy so high, I decided to let my guard down. I ended up falling back into a negative pattern that I have followed for years, I somehow always find a way to convince myself the pattern isn't negative even though every time something horrible has happened to me this negative pattern had something to do with it and lets just say this time I didn't just put myself in danger but everyone I love too. Right when I was actually satisfied and fully confident in myself again after years of battling my negative patterns and being labeled as IRRESPONSIBLE, I went ahead and quite literally set fire to all of my progress. After hours of self-loathing and regret I finally sat down and asked myself what advice would I give to my best friend if this had happened to them? if they had fallen off the wagon. So here's what you do when you make a bad decision.

Step 1 : Reflect, write down and playback exactly what happened try to understand where you went wrong and analyze your actions instead of sitting there regretting and talking down to yourself and figure out what you could've done differently to avoid this mess. You could tell yourself " I am toxic, I can never be fixed, I am horrible" keep feeling guilty and give up all the progress or you could tell yourself " this was a wake up call, I need to break this toxic pattern I have followed for years because THIS IS NOT WHO I AM ANYMORE! this happened to remind me that I have changed, my life has changed these patterns I have followed for so long only hold me back. I no longer follow the toxic patterns I once did, they don't serve me"

Step 2 : Amends, apologize to the people who were affected by your bad decisions that includes YOU. Apologize and figure out a way to make up for what you have broken. Make it right because you can, lack of action will only make matters worse.

Step 3 : Take Action, Now that you reflected upon it and made amends you need to move forward, a year ago a bad decision like this would've sent me in a downward spiral of punishing myself by giving up on all the progress I have made but that punishment is exactly why I keep going backwards every time I'm doing well. Life is all about ups and downs you have to come back down to go back up again. So don't just sit there, continue on with the goals you have, don't let one wrong decision and the guilt keep you stagnant get back up and this time you know exactly what not to do. Take positive self-disciplinary actions towards your life. 

Step 4 : Stick to it, you have to stay consistent with the changes you make to break this negative pattern, replace the bad habit or whatever it was that caused you to make the bad decision. Tell yourself why your'e doing it and why you have to absolutely stick to it. If you feel yourself going back to the negative pattern remind yourself what happened the last time you went into it. 

Remember trying to fix yourself as a person isn't easy it takes a lot of courage, will power and faith and no one gets it right in one go you just have to be brave enough to keep on trying and getting back up every time you fall, like an experiment, keep trying to figure it out until you get the right results make the necessary changes and believe that the only way to get it right is not giving up. Forgive yourself you can move on from this and you will

bounce back higher.